My kind of INTEREST


How is a show so magical has been on TV for 4 years and I haven’t a clue? It’s because I haven’t been on Tumblr and thanks to Carol, my gay resource for everything entertaining, I found SHOOT from Person of Interest. I needed a rebound from Clexa, which I think was not possible. It’s a blessing I am always wrong.

Amy Acker,  I have never seen anything she’s in, Sarah Sahi, I barely got a glimpse of her on the L-Word because I didn’t like the L-word. Dyke drama is not my scene. I start with the same process, looking for all the SHOOT scenes on youtube…but to my surprise, there were very little time that has Root and Shaw together. So what is a girl supposed to do? I went on Netflix and started with Relevance, the episode that Shaw was first introduce, and it’s like heroine, I was an instant addict.

Why was Sameen Shaw such an attractive character that just blew me away so suddenly?

-Nothing that came out of her mouth was remotely affectionate and endearing.

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-She’s the best sniper there is.

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-She eats non-stop

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-Wears her long beautiful hair in a ponytail most of the time


and a beanie

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-Rolls her eyes like it’s a disorder

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-And yes, she has a disorder known as Axis 2 personality disorder (a sociopath incapable of caring for another human being)

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-A little firecracker (5’3 ft) but can beat anyone who is twice her size.

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-Does not mince words

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-Shot herself over 7000 times so the woman she loves can live..





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June 28, 2016

So to my very extreme disappointment, the woman that Shaw was willing to LIVE AND DIE FOR…DIES!! This is the first show on TV that I actually watch while it’s going on and not wait for it to come on Netflix and KNOW the happy ending for us ladies before watching it. I hadn’t fully comprehend the Lesbian Death Trope until the death of ROOT. This revelation hits me like an assault weapon that killed us gays like the Orlando victims. Yes, that’s precisely what it feels like. Death on TV is pretty much death in reality for LGBT folks.

I was in denial at first (and still am) when I first saw episode 100, yes they stick it to us at the 100th episode. It was supposed to be a celebration for the show but instead, it would set in stone for me to NEVER WATCH ANY SHOW JUST BECAUSE THERE IS A LESBIAN CHARACTER ON THE SHOW.   It does not matter to me if POI writers did not INTEND bait us, they did! It’s that simple. It doesn’t matter if they say that Root and Shaw’s relationship wasn’t a planned concept but just something that happened because the chemistry was undeniable. What is undeniable is that Root died..just right after her and Shaw reunited and the next episode they sent Root to gay heaven like many other shows have done in the past.  Many fans thank them for an amazing, epic love story that they gave us but like me, many fans are furious that they are just another show that is part of the lesbian death trope. It’s taken me weeks to continue this post. I started before her death because I was so excited, and frankly thinking it was too good to be true, with this post and I don’t have the heart to retrace my love for Shaw and deleted everything I started writing. My plan was to continue with my love for Root after the finale but just like Root’s is my desire to continue gushing about this show.

I am very angry at television for keep baiting us..whether you MEANT TO OR NOT. We were baited. Amy said that Root will be very happy and POI writers truly believe that, so does Amy because Root becomes the voice of the machine (GOD) so she will live on forever. Are you freaking serious?? We’re supposed to be happy that Shaw will have this amazing, relationship with the VOICE OF ROOT, when they spent over  a year slowly articulating how much Root and Shaw can’t live without each other???? It was as if I was watching a different show after Root die. In all honestly, I stopped watching after Root died.



I WILL NOT WATCH ANYTHING SHOW OR MOVIE THAT WILL KILL ME OFF. I will only watch anything that has a fairytale ending.



source: All gifts on my blog are taken from Tumblr.


Death is not the END…

It’s ironic that I didn’t want to watch the 100 because I saw what Lexa looks like on AfterEllen (with the war paint) but now all I want to see is Lexa with war paint.


You can see her eyes more and her eyes says everything.

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That’s what I love about Carol..the looks, the stares, there was never an ‘I want you, I love you’ non-verbal is so much more intense. ‘Look into my eyes you can see everything I feel. ‘

Now I wish I really stuck to my gun and NOT watch The 100. This show has endless suffering and the person that suffers the most in the main character, Clarke. Since I didn’t want anything but the Clexa scenes, I saw that she had to put a knife into someone she loves (Finn—his death was more justified since he killed 18 innocent Grounders) and now, she lost Lexa. It’s much easier for someone to die than you end up living in the agony memories of them.   The only good thing that came out of this is hopefully we will have better representation and the charity that was raised for the Trevor project. However, I am not sure if it’s worth it the pain and depression that is spawn upon all of these gay teens. At what cost do we have to endure to make sure that the world treat us with some decency and respect????


I think the actresses  are phenomenal in portraying these 2 characters. Their chemistry is mesmerizing. It was as if they were born for these roles. It would be a dream come true if someone would make a story with these two leads, with the same storyline but the ending we deserve. I love all the humor tumblrs on Clexa. There has to be some laughters to drown out some of our miseries. I am 44 yrs old and it still affected me to think that they didn’t have a happy ending. I refused to watch gay movies with sad endings, that’s why I went to see Carol because I read that the ending was a nice one.  I repeatedly watch Imagine Me and You, D.E.B.S  and Saving Face. Lesbians do have happy endings.

Now that I have been obsessed with tumblr and see that queerbating was obvious so I am glad I never watched the show when it was on. I love Eliza Taylor, I think she’s an amazing actress. I love ADC, but so far, only as Lexa. I can’t get myself to watch FWTD.

Thank you for this fandom that Clexa is still alive and well. Thank God for the person that put together all the Lexa scenes. I can’t sit through 3 seasons of the 100. It’s just too stressful. Thank you for the writers who created this beautiful Clexa story, and yes, whoever made the decision for it to end the way it did, I am sure you will have regrets. As I stated, I don’t believe Jason actually saw the episodes since he wasn’t the one really writing the screenplay so he has no idea how beautiful this story could have been. His show could have been ground breaking.  The fealty scene was one even more powerful and more GAY than anything I have ever seen on scene, other than how Lexa looks at Clarke.

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I don’t understand how someone can think misery sells. My niece (9 YRS OLD) tells me she doesn’t like the news because it’s mostly sad news. Yes, our reality is depressing enough. We watch TV and movies to escape our reality, not to suffer.

I am sadden because a lot of viewers for the show are very affected by it. I only hope that people stop watching something that could trigger depression. I love how Eliza handled this whole controversy. (I prayed to God I am not speaking too soon ). I am not sure how she could play Clarke because it’s just one tragic after another. It’s like a suicidal thought going to work every day. Where is the light at the end of the tunnel? That’s what we feel about this bad representation for our community. When will we ever see the LIGHT????

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I learned so much in the past week about how the media portrayed us. I was in denial because I refused to watch anything just because it has a lesbian tone to it. I only want to watch something that represents lesbian characters in a good light. It would be ideal if everyone took my approach but unfortunately, we always yearn for that belonging, even in the media.   Straight people will never understand our pain unless we speak up about it and not support them. A learned lesson usually comes with drastic consequences. I am not saying that lesbian stories should not have tragic endings, but when it’s so disproportionate, you are setting a miserable tone for the world about our characters.

Only you feel your own pain. The majority of the straight world still does not feel our pain. When they do, we will support us. Only gay celebrities will be able to understand where we are coming from and may or may not speak out since it may affect their career. Therefore, we shouldn’t really be disappointed if Rick, or Alycia does not speak out for us. It’s not their responsibility to do so. They have a job to do and they have to chose their own battles. We will chose ours, and we should stand united and focus on our fight for FAIR representation in the world.


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source: tumblr

Keep in mind that the CW and any other media NEEDS the fans to be able to be in business. We have choices, we can watch other shows. We do not need them, they need us. As much as I love ADC as Lexa, she’s still just an actress and have not much to do with our cause. She did her part by acting amazingly as Lexa..but that’s all it is, just an act. There are celebrities that support our cause, Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon…I much rather support them for they are obvious for supporting gay rights.

I decided to write another post after I saw the video below.

But because I AM GAY, I shed tears. I feel all the pain that everyone feels in the video. My brother outed me to my mom and she disowned me right after. It went on for over 15 yrs and she finally gave up disowning me because I don’t need her. I don’t need a mother that condemns me for being truthful to myself. Being gay is not a sin or a crime. I will continue to say that over and over again. But obviously from the video, it is  a sin to some cowards,  so they make us suffer for their inhumanity and ignorance.  This pain is felt all over the world. It does not discriminate by any means.

Lexa is the Chosen One because she represents HOPE for our humanity…

Why is Lexa such an important character for gay teen lesbians or just lesbians? She was  ‘the chosen one’. When someone is ‘chosen’ that means God (whatever creator you believe in) created us for that purpose, not to give us free will but He already has in mind of our role in life. Mary was chosen to be Jesus’s mother, she was the only human that was born without original sin. God created Himself in His image, to relate to us as a human and to prove to us how He is willing to die for our crimes, sins…through His love. I have been thinking since a week of being introduced to this controversy behind Lexa’s death and why it affected so many young (and old like myself) lesbians. It’s because she resonates with us. It’s because having a character like Lexa, gives hope that being gay, is a gift, rather than a sin and a flaw. Lexa was a gift to the human race. She united the 13 clans and she tried to bring peace to the world. Although she learned ‘Blood must not have blood’ from Clarke but it’s because she’s GAY that allows her to follow through with the long time tradition of ‘blood must have blood’. Truthfully, would Lexa have listened if it was a male from the sky that tried to convey this? She wouldn’t not even think twice because it’s always has been been ‘ Blood must have blood’. It was because she loves Clarke that she opened up her heart and mind. So yes, please blame it on the GAYNESS.

Lexa’s death made her a matyr for our community.

OMG!!!!!!!!…..can I tell you how some actress are born for certain roles, this is the role for Alycia. Just because I am gay, does not mean I like all gay movies, in fact, there are very few good gay movies but because Alycia brought to life Lexa, is the ONLY reason why I watch this show.  Her eyes reveals her soul. It took very little for Clarke to see her soul because she chose to reveal her soul to Clarke..through her glances, her stares, the intensity in her eyes. This is the role that defies Alycia..and bless her for doing it so soon. I hope she will make wise decisions with movies and become and actress instead of a celebrity.

As a gay person, I never thought there was anything wrong with me, in fact, I feel special. I find the straight world very mundane, and most are living for just survival. Most people live to carry on hundreds of years old traditions. Get a job, get married, have children, then you die. Being gay, you’re excused from the fixated traditions. It’s fine that you don’t have kids, it’s fine that you don’t get marry, it’s fine that you love passionately, in fact, they think we are crazy for loving someone so much that we ‘chose’ to be gay and deal with society’s backlash, torture and discrimination.  Why I love The 100 was the way Lexa told Clarke how she lost someone she loved.

‘I lost someone special to me too. Her name was Costia.  She was captured by the Ice Nation whose  queen believed she knew my secrets.


Because she was mine..(this line and the way Alycia said it, her expressions, felt real, gave me the chills. She was proud, she was hurt, she compassionate, she was reliving her pain for Clarke).

Sadly, this is not the majority views of a gay person. In fact, I am probably one of the few that feels this way. Even my gay friends don’t understand at times why I am proud of being gay. If our fault is to love another human so deeply, I will take that fault to the grave. When Jesus died because He loves us so much, we end up worshiping Him and make it our long life’s goal to live by His teachings. I don’t see much of a different parallel here.

Sure, you can call me blasphemous for comparing the love of a gay person to the love of God. There are many gay people that have died as result of loving another human. Unless you’re brain dead, I shouldn’t need to spell it out for you.

I am not all saying that I am a perfect person what I am trying to say is that I always embraced my gayness as a blessing instead of condemnation. When my mother and brother rejected me when they found out, I felt bad for them. I never once thought there was anything wrong with me. How can there be anything wrong with me when I am so happy and felt fulfilled for once in my life. I didn’t feel lonely, and wondering why and what was the cause of happiness in life for me. I was finally alive. I was finally living..i wasn’t just surviving..but I was actually living.

Yes, we all deserve that..Clarke of the sky people.

The sudden death of Lexa started a conversation that merely happens in counseling and confidential support groups. What the fandom brought is an issue that has been at the crack for the surface that is finally broken. Yes, the meaningless killing of Lexa broke us. It triggered all the sadness and hopelessness that many felt. Now, the straight world can feel our pain because they too are affected by the sudden killing of their beloved commander. She didn’t die in a battle fighting for her people, but she died because she loved someone. Yes, they could make Lexa a man, but then that’s a mute point. They didn’t, she’s a woman, she’s gay, she’s defies all stereotypes of a lesbians that the world was so ignorant to place upon on us.

Wake up world, there are many many Lexas out there. And please don’t insult us with your blatantly rude comments..

‘ I didn’t know you were like that?’ Wow, there is so much you don’t know and as our struggle continues, you will learn.

Bless our straight allies. The revolution is not possible without your support. After all, you are the cause of the pain and




Source: Tumblr

I am about 3 seasons behind on The 100. I keep seeing it on Afterellen but I wasn’t sure about this post apocalypse show. I learned to be open minded because it’s brought me to find my favorite lesbian character finally..LEXA, the commander of the Ground people.   I binged and watched 3 seasons in 3 days. I understand the backlash that brought together a battle that we have fighting for years…and still fighting.

It’s always  pleasant surprise not to have any hopes when I watch something to avoid the sake of being disappointed.  The 100 is based on the book which does not have the character Lexa. Clarke is straight and has a romantic relationship with Bellamy. Quite uninteresting and overdone..seriously.


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LGBT fans are the most loyal. Clexa fandom managed to get an apology from the producer and even won the Zimbo poll for couple of the year. Madonna is probably one of the first famous people that realize that gay fans are really loyal and will stick with you to the very end. As our gayness grows, our family is getting bigger and more we are a lot more vocal now than ever. Don’t ever underestimate the power of a few, because even as small percentage of the world’s population, we grow ten folds because we are united. I have repeated myself endlessly, and will continue to do so, because only in a gay environment, you will see more diversity  and utopia than a straight place. We are all together for a common bond, we are gay and the only safe space we have is in a gay environment.  


We continued to struggle as laws have changed to accommodate our basic human rights but the minds of the ignorant still exists. As always, we need better, realistic representation of the LGBT community. As if we don’t belong in the human race as humans.  We finally have a 2 strong female leads, one gay, one bi,  on a network, that probably won’t garner such rating or following if it didn’t have a gay character. Lexa is strong, ruthless, unapologetic, determined….I could spend the next 10 paragraphs listing all the qualities of Lexa so if you haven’t seen the show, you should and you will understand the uproar in the community about the sudden death of LEXA.


The death of Lexa is just another indication of how insignificant we are still in this heterosexual world.   When shows need a rating boost, they will add a gay character and then just kills him/her off because they feel that the world isn’t ready for a gay character to be their straight partners. The 100 not only have 1 gay character but the main character is bisexual. It’s just too shocking for the world …yes, the actress that plays Lexa was already committed to doing another show but the way they just dismiss such a prominent, powerful character on the show with  a mere stray bullet in her stomach, right after Clarke and her finally were together.  It was more than just that they killed her off, it was how she was just suddenly taken off the show,..her death was so unjustified, just like how the hate towards gay people are so unjustified.


Yes, it’s a very slow process but if you look at history, it’s unfathomable how the heterosexual world betrayed us, for being gay and our endgame is either be with a guy, or kill ourselves. Alan Turing, who invented the computer and saved millions of lives by breaking the Enigma code and ending WW2 a few years earlier, was prosecuted for being gay. Gay people have choices if they want to live among straight people. One way  is to be straight by means of hormonal treatment (Alan Turing) or mental therapy (CAROL), or death by self-inflicted misery.

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Why am I so affected by this Clexa relationship?  Something I just watched in 3 days and have been constantly on Tumblr trying to understand Clexa fans. Their love was a slow process that turned into something that is so profound and deep. I was pretty impressed on how their relationship developed and evolved. At first, they both were just trying to save their people so they have to unite and fight together. Their views and culture is very different and both have to make difficult decisions that involves the lives and deaths of many. They slowly embraced each other’s what appears to be weakness, turns into strength and flaws were accepted.  They forgave each other for their mistakes.  It was because both understand and know each other…naturally, like how soulmates should be so fortunate to find each other.  Now having watch Clexa scenes so many times, there are so much subtext from the very beginning. They fell in love because of their understanding and acceptance…which is to me, the formula for ever lasting love. That is..until your lover gets killed by a stray bullet….

I found this amazing post..please visit if you haven’t done so. I wish I was as articulate as her..but I am not and I want to share her talent for writing this amazing piece..

Someday. Maybe. But not today. – The 100 – 3×07, “Thirteen”

It’s too painful to end this post with the ending of the I am not going to. Clexa fans have had enough suffering as the result. 

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The producer really screwed up the Clexa relationship for us, but the actresses are supportive of our community and their characters which had so much impact for young gay teens. We have to believe that our love is real, and that it lasts and that there’s always hope..always.

I am so glad to be a lesbian…

….especially after watching Carol.  Ever since I realized that only a woman would make my attraction whole heart-ingly…(I am not even sure that’s a word, in fact, I am sure it’s not) I have been trying to explain to many people, that includes lesbians as well, why being gay was so much more fulfilling than being in a relationship with a man.

First, I need to get this off my chest…Chris Rock’s fucking comments about Carol. I never dislike him, nor did I pay attention to him, other than him being the voice for Martin in Madagascar.   This is how I feel about him right now..

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It could be a guy thing, or just a human thing with double standards. He stands up there, to host the #Oscarsowhite and criticized how they didn’t nominate any black actors. But to his ignorance, he called Carol porn. I was speechless and wasn’t sure I heard him correctly. Yes, I much rather be with a woman then men like him, or the men who didn’t vote for Carol. We know that the Oscars members are consisted mostly of white men over 50. I am not even sure how lesbians got associated with porn. I have heard this many times in my adulthood. I supposed because I find porn degrading so I never watched it. Within a few minutes that my friends turned it on, I find it completely disgusting and tasteless, just like how I find Rock’s comments. I guess I can say if he knows so much about porn, it shouldn’t be a surprise coming from a person that watches it, because obviously, he didn’t watch Carol and neither did the academy. It was probably nominated because every major festival and awards in the world, and only the true artists and people that actually watched the movie, gave it the awards it deserves. So these old white fools just jump on the bandwagon like everyone else but when the truth came out, they didn’t see the movie.

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This reminds me of the republican party right now. Cruz and Rubio can’t stand Trump but if he’s the republican nominee, they will support him. Enough time wasted on a nonsense fool…

Therese and Carol and just two women in love. If you were to see them in public, you would never guess they are gay. They look just like ordinary, typical women. Yes, that’s what we lesbians are, ordinary typical women. I often get questioned when I am in a gay club, from men who feel the need to hit on any women, that I don’t look gay. Could someone explain to me what a gay person look like because I have straight friends that are more boyish looking and dress less feminine than me. Yes, I understand that there are the more obvious ones but just because we don’t look masculine doesn’t mean we aren’t gay. The last time I check, the qualifications for being a lesbian is being a woman, not being a woman, dressed like a man, is a lesbian. I love that Carol wasn’t like that. I love that Therese has male friends who actually cared for her and were there for her. Danny, even though he made a pass at her, was her friend and confidant throughout. He helped her come to terms with her feelings and supported her career.  I am far from being a man-hater, I love my male friends. I can relate to them because we truly love and respect women. However, that’s rare, but it can happen. Men can be wonderful creatures…just a few far in between. 

It’s ironic they said opposites attracts but what makes something lasts with true happiness is being compatible. Logically, 2 women are more compatible than a woman and a man. A woman understands what it feels like to be a woman, all the mental, emotional and psychological aspects because we are wired similar. Technically speaking, there should be more gay relationships than hetero ones because gay people are more compatible. Female bonding, male bonding, is nature’s finest gifts. Imagine that you have fallen in love with your bestfriend, someone who understands you and can RELATE to you, as opposed to someone who loves you and can listen to you, but can’t really understand where you are coming from because they born and have different characteristics than you. It’s no wonder when Therese met Carol, she felt an instant bond with a few exchanges of words. Even across the room, Therese can feel Carol’s presence, her allure and elegance. What she felt at a distance was confirmed when they briefly but so much was was said. 

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Therese can feel Carol’s anxiety and comforted her.   The bond was instant. It can’t better be explained than by Luce in Imagine Me and You.


I know many hetero relationships that aren’t fulfilled at all. Many were married because of tradition or just conforming to society’s rules. My parents are a classic example. Even though they have 5 children, they were not in love with each other and now, they live apart in their old age. When you follow your heart and live truthfully, is when you can achieve genuine happiness for yourself. Only you can feel your own pain and happiness. It’s a wonder to me why anyone cares what others think or say about you. You have to live your life for yourself.

Today is Women’s Day and having fallen in love with Cate all over this time, I appreciate her much more now than ever.

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All of my life, I lived and felt that women are much more stronger than men in every aspect, just not the physical aspect. However, being physically strong is the weakness of all the traits a gender can own. Mental, emotional, psychological is much more effective and useful than being physical. That is the least effective of all the things that makes a human strong. I completely understand why I am gay, and why I love women more than I do men. I respect woman much more, have more respect for them, and feel their love is less conditioned than men. The statistics will prove itself. When a straight couple is going through a divorce, there is a a higher chance of a women end up taking care of her children while her male counterpart will leave everything behind, especially if he met another woman. He will start a new life with his new family and focus on his new family. If a woman were to meet another man, she will just join her children from her previous with the next. If I were to cite more examples of how women are much more superior to men, this will turn into a novel. 

Therese said it just perfectly…


Apparently, all the men that surrounded Therese all of her lives, aren’t so human. It just takes one glance at Carol and she can feel every pulse in her vein, down to the core of her human existence, that she finally became interest in this world because of that one one human, the lovely, elegant, woman by the name of Carol.

All of China would go GAY for Carol…..and I want to fall in love all again because of CAROL…

I saw a conference where Todd said that a Chinese member say that once they saw  the trailer of Carol where Cate and Rooney are lovers, all the women would turn gay’.

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I immediately thought to myself that behind every joke, there’s always some truth to it! At first, you would think it’s  a superficial  comment, because Cate and Rooney are just amazingly beautiful.   However, once you see the movie, you will understand why. I haven’t been in a relationship in forever, over 5 yrs because right now, I am just in love with my nieces and nephews and have no desire or time to commit myself in a relationship right now.  After seeing this movie, ironically, with my first gf, (we are now great friends, and it was 22 yrs ago since we broke up), I miss the feeling of being in love. Unfortunately, it’s beyond that. I wish I had the love that Carol and Therese has.

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Is it possible to fall in love with someone with a stare across the room? For those that does not believe in love at first sight, after seeing Carol, you will witness how easily it is to fall in love at first sight.

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Their first encounter, their first conversation, seals the deal for Cate who took it further to test out the naive Therese by leaving her gloves at the counter. 


Carol learned that Therese is kind and can relate.  The stare was mutual between them before Therese was interrupted by a lady asking for the restroom.  Carol left her address and gloves for Therese since we know there are no accidents. She could have bought the trainset and took it home with her but instead,  wanted to test out the mutual attraction with Theresa by having it shipped to her house. Carol knows she’s gay and loves women. Therese is still have young and naive, however very honest and willing to go with her heart.

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She says yes to Carol with everything Carol asks and the first time Carol was upset, it broke her heart on the train ride home.

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I know Rooney is a brilliant actress, and her characters in her movies that I have seen are very strong and independent, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, Side Effects, Trash…but to see this vulnerable side of Rooney is as Carol say ‘very refreshing’. 

You learned that when you feel love, you take risks, you don’t really care what others around you think or feel. Richard has been asking Therese about their trip to Europe, first at the beginning of the movie and Therese reply was it’s too cold to think.  Carol immediately calls to see if Therese was the one that returned her gloves and then asks her to lunch the very next day. As Therese was standing inside waiting for Carol at the restaurant, she saw Carol walking across the street to come over and you see this smile on her face. It was a smile of anxious, excitement and feelings that she has never experienced before.  When Carol asks for her to visit her on Sunday…


she say yes. She was so eager to go on the trip with Carol when she just met her as opposed to turning Richard’s invitation to come to his family’s home for Christmas. She said it was for family only and she didn’t feel like he was her family.  However, when you see her first at Carol’s house, she felt at home, at ease, getting Carol tea using Carol’s tea set and playing on her piano.  You quickly see how at ease she was with Carol…especially when Carol asks her about her her efforts to spend more time with humans were going and she replied..’pretty good actually’.

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‘ I can’t just make myself.’ This line is so powerful. All of us who struggled with falling in love with a girl the first time truly can relate. She has this wonderful guy who loves her so much and wants to be with her forever, but her heart doesn’t feel the same. She feels very lonely, detached, uninterested in his company. She has no desire to make love to him and they have been together for a long time. With Carol, she tries everything so soon and immediately. That’s what it feels like to fall completely in love. Harge tries desperately to get Carol to spend time with him, and even use their daughter as an excuse but Carol refuses. She does this, not to be cruel but to let Harge go to find his own happiness. The instant Therese enters her life, she seems to want to spend every moment with her. She could have asked Abby to come with her on her trip, but she chose Therese instead..

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On the ride to Carol’s house the first time Therese’s first attempt to take a picture with her camera that was fixed by her friend was a candid picture of Carol  buying a Christmas tree for Rindy. From my personal experience because I am not a professional photographer but I love taking pictures and most of the pictures I have taken of are my nieces and nephews. They are the ones I love the most so it’s just easier to capture something you adore and love so much. This is photography at it’s most truest form because it’s seen from your very own eyes. Love is the most beautiful subject to capture, the feeling of loving someone so much, not so much that the subject is beautiful, because beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You can see that Therese’s friend saw pictures that Therese took of Carol encouraged her to put a portfolio together.  It was these pictures that he really saw her how talented she was. It was these pictures that got her the job at the New York Times.

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I never never witness a more respectful love story before on scene. They bought love each other selflessly but honestly. Therese replied in the restaurant at the end when Carol asked..

‘Do you hate me Therese?’ and without hesitation, Therese replied..’No, how could I hate you?’

You never once witness any disrespect and bitterness between the two. They both blame themselves for hurting each other. Therese thinks she’s utterly selfish because she takes everything when she doesn’t really know what she wants..and Carol comforts her by saying that it was it’s not her fault. In her letter to Therese, she said that Harge would have found out sooner or later. When you love someone so much, you think of them more than your own feelings. We see that Therese suffers so much pain on the way home. She couldn’t eat, sleep and was so nauseated that Abby has to pull over for her to throw up. This was another powerful but realistic scene of emotions that I have not witnessed on screen before. That is the feeling of being in love with someone and have it taken away in an instant. Although it was coming, but to actually live a broken heart for the first time, for both, is unbearable. It’s unbearable to a point where Carol woke up for the first time and stood up for what is true to her heart..her love for Therese. She’s willing to give up fighting for Rindy so she can try to be with Therese. Most people could criticize Carol as a mother and blame her for giving up her fight for her daughter to pursue her love for another another women. We don’t blame men for doing it, but it’s shocking to see a woman doing it. However if you are being realistic like Carol..

‘What use am I to her if I am living against my own grain?’

I want to fall in love again because I want to fall in love with someone like Carol, or someone like Therese and I want to have what Carol and Therese have for each other. Keep in mind this book was written in 1950s. How Patricia Highsmith understood love so passionately and respectably and able to convey in words is beyond me. To have this movie put together so eloquently, is a gift to the movie industry.




Oh Carol….

Feb 29, 2016

Rather than creating a blog for Carol, which at first I thought wouldn’t be so short and simple because the movie is just PERFECT…





but because it was so perfect, I must talk about how imperfect the movie industry is. Blue won the highest price at Cannes, Rooney shared a best supporting actress at Cannes. Again, it’s Cannes, where the jury are consist of actors, directors, the people that are highly regarded, unlike the Oscars, Golden Globes, and even BAFTA. I thought it may win something at BAFTA but it didn’t.

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Cate Blanchett was on point when she said the world isn’t ready for a movie with 2 strong female leads, based on a book written by a women and directed by a reputable gay director.


So Gay marriage is legal in many civilized countries in the world but not in the film industry. I find is so ignorant and annoying to the point where I have to blog about it.


Carol is so powerful and realistic. I can speak from personal experiences. One of my relationships involved a woman who wanted to leave her husband for me because she fell in love with me. She too had a young child, around 1 yr old at the time and like Harge, her husband, was trying to take her to court and take full custody because she wants to be with a woman.  

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The fact that Carol’s bestfriend, Abby is gay and is in love with her but loves Carol so much that she’s always there for Carol, through everything illustrates the depth of bond between 2 woman is insurmountable.

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 You hardly find that if a man is in love with a woman, he is willing to be there and be her bestfriend, watch her fall in love with another, and reel the pain of being separated from her love.  The men in the movie, if you think about it, are really ignorant and Harge is an ass, but you don’t see Todd portrayed him as such. Because in the end, Harge finally understood that Cate didn’t leave him because she didn’t love  him, she just didn’t love him the way he wants her to.

‘We gave each other the most breath taking, most generous of gifts, Rindy. Harge, we’re not ugly people.’ This movie, is so well written, classy, with such elegance and respect that you would think the world would understand by now like Harge did.


Chris Rock made such an insulting joke about Carol at the Oscars, I was in disbelief.  He said he saw Carol was the 3rd best girl on girl film he saw this year.


The clip where the announced Cate as one of the best actress nomination, they showed where she has a gun pointed at the guy Harge videoed her and Therese together. Seriously??? That was the least important part of the movie.  Like Rooney, I also fell for Cate when I first saw her in Elizabeth. Cate is well respected, all of her movies are as well, that’s why her sons make fun of her how she never had a blockbuster.  Everyone involved in the movie were very well known but this movie was made in around 31 days with a budget of around 11 million. How the award season ended for Carol is just a reminder of how narrow-minded, unintelligent, backwards the world still is.

Thank goodness for the independent awards where Carol was not completely shut out and Cate and Rooney were recognized for their amazing careers and especially Carol. Thank for standing up for gay people Cate and Rooney! Love is’s universal.

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There are many interviews on youtube with Cate and Rooney and Todd that you can’t help but fall in love with them more after. The chemistry is impeccable..even more so than Adele and Lea. It’s like life imitating art. Rooney’s fascination with Cate gets to be visualized in real life since she gets to play along with Cate in Carol.

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The backstory of Rooney’s admirable for Cate, and Cate’s admirable for Rooney is so overwhelming, you think it’s a unreal..but enough, it’s’s there.

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As many people discover Carol, they will learn to understand and live in a world where love is just between 2 humans…

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I have to end on a happy note…!!

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